Delaware Relationship Center

“Don’t tease your partner.” “Teasing is good for healthy relationships.” “If you can’t take teasing, you’re too thin-skinned.” “If your partner hurts your feelings, he or she is insensitive.”

It can be easy to take advice to the extremes. But the reality of teasing is that there is a line for every couple. And sometime that line changes. Jests that might have been funny 10 or 20 years ago may not be funny now. Your partner’s humor (and your humor!) is allowed to change.

You also may not realize how certain jokes — however well-intentioned — strike a nerve with your partner. And some forms of teasing can feel like you are laughing at your partner, not with your partner. He or she may simply have laughed it off to hide hurt feelings. And those hurt feelings can linger and do big damage over time.

Consider, too, the tone of your teasing. Is it highlighting your partner’s strengths and assets — or weaknesses and flaws? Is it gentle ribbing — or more aggressive taunting? Does it come a little too close to simply being an insult?

In order to understand where “the line” is and what type of teasing is okay, you have to openly communicate with your partner.

How to Check In

If you find yourself fighting with your partner over teasing, start by asking your partner what subjects or comments may cross the line. If this “check in” is the result of a recent argument, ask about why that subject matter is off-limits.

Then listen. Really listen to your partner. They might reveal something that surprises you. You may learn something new about your partner or a particular issue. Even if you don’t agree with your partner, understand that they have a right to their emotions and sense of humor.

Don’t Be Afraid to Speak Up

If your partner’s teasing is bothering you, it doesn’t mean you are “thin-skinned” or can’t take a joke. And it doesn’t mean your partner is mean or insensitive. It just means you need to have a conversation.

You should feel comfortable speaking up — even if you know your partner really didn’t mean to hurt or offend you. Doing so can clear misunderstandings, prevent future arguments, and build a happier, healthier, and stronger connection between you.

If you need help talking about it, consider seeking Delaware counseling. You'll both have a safe, supportive environment to improve your communication and relationship skills.

You’re probably not surprised to learn that money is a top cause of relationship stress.

But you may be under the impression that earning more would solve your issues. After all, with more money, you’d worry less about what you’re spending!

Unfortunately, having more money doesn’t necessarily reduce stress over it. But if that isn’t the answer to reducing friction between partners over finances, what is?

The answer is honesty, communication, and planning.

Talk about your financial practices.

The way people interact with money and feel about it is incredibly personal and individual. It’s tied to how we were brought up.

Maybe you hoard every penny and your partner is a spendthrift, or vice versa. Or you both have issues overspending – or saving every dime and never doing anything fun because of it.

Whatever tendencies you and your partner have, you need to have a conversation about them so both of you know where you stand. An expense that seems unnecessary to you may be important to your partner. Listen to where the other person is coming from.

Work together to come up with a plan.

Financial tension in relationships tends to come from people who act like they’re on two solitary islands, doing whatever they want. Unless you agree to completely keep finances separate, you need to work together.

Sit down and create a budget. Be honest about what money you have and how you’re going to spend it. Come up with joint (and individual) goals, and create a plan that enables you to live within your budget and work toward those goals.

Sacrifice when reason and logic dictate it.

When you’re with someone over the long term, circumstances change over time. There’s a good chance that one or both of you will run into financial struggles at some point related to the loss of a job, medical problems, family needing help, or another unexpected issue.

This is part of the deal you make when you decide to be with someone, and it’s probably going to require sacrifice on both sides until things (hopefully) return to where they were.

Always keep things above-board.

Never lie to your partner about finances. Few things can drive a bigger wedge between couples than dishonesty. Lying about money is often particularly devastating.

Imagine struggling to pay bills only to learn that your spouse has a secret account tucked away. Or wondering where your money is going… and finding out they have a huge debt they didn’t tell you about.

Honesty is always the best policy. And if you’re on the receiving end, remember to practice understanding and kindness when your partner shares unfortunate financial news.

Don't allow yourself to stay stuck with unresolved financial issues. Consider talking with a financial advisor or a Delaware couples therapist to get the ball rolling again.

Have you ever wondered why the declaration of love “You complete me” is so powerful?

It is because we all have a Lost Self, a part of ourselves that we have blocked off. If we are fortunate, we can find a partner who helps us reconnect with this Lost Self to feel whole and complete again.

But why do we lose that part of ourselves in the first place?

How You Came to Lose Parts of Yourself

In childhood, we have a high amount of Core Energy within each of us that facilitates our ability to be open and connect with other people. This energy is immediately transferred, given, and received by our mothers, fathers, family members, and other significant individuals in our lives in four ways:

• Thinking
• Feeling
• Sensing
• Acting

Unfortunately, not all our energy is received in a positive way by others.

Our first experiences with negative responses to our energy usually came from our parents or significant others. They may have scolded us for being loud in the supermarket, making a fuss at home, or not sitting still at our place of worship. They may have told you things like, “You’re not acting like a lady,” “You need to man up,” or “You’re not really sad”.

When we receive these negative messages, we stop allowing ourselves to think, feel, sense, or act in certain ways in order to feel acceptable or keep the “peace”. In the course of our lives, we continue to block or limit this energy.

In effect, we lose a part of ourselves.

When we look for a partner, we often seek a person that is open in the areas where we have closed ourselves off. That is often the cause of conflict that arises. But through this partner, we can also chip away at the blockage that we have created and reveal our Whole and Complete Self.

This can be an uncomfortable process; after all, it requires us to go back and recognize parts of ourselves that were affected by years of negative messages. But this knowledge of our Lost Self can be a motivation to dig deep and embrace the challenge.

When things get tough, remember what you can gain: your Whole and Complete Self! And don’t forget that you can give this gift to your partner as well. The key is to communicate openly and honestly and to support one another’s growth.