Help with Relationships

How to Up Your Quality Time and Relationship-Building Moments As Summer Ends

August 2, 2023

Vacations. Warmer weather inviting you to relax together. Fun activities like swimming.

Summer offers plenty of opportunities to create adventures and cherished memories with your partner. However, just because summer is ending doesn't mean the opportunities for quality time and relationship-building need to stop. In fact, the transition to autumn can be an ideal time to deepen your connection even further. 

Here are some creative ways you can up your quality time and relationship-building moments as summer fades away.

Embrace the Beauty of Nature

While the days might be getting shorter, the charm of autumn colors and cooler weather offers the perfect backdrop for outdoor activities with your loved ones. Take a hike through a nearby park, go apple picking, or have a picnic surrounded by falling leaves. Spending time in nature not only promotes bonding but also allows you to appreciate the beauty of the changing seasons together.

Spend Cozy Nights In

As the weather cools down, take advantage of cozy nights indoors with your partner – there are all kinds of opportunities for relationship-building moments. Prepare a delicious homemade meal together, watch a movie, or play board games. The intimate setting of your home can foster meaningful conversations and strengthen your connection without the distractions of the outside world.

Explore Local Events

Many communities host exciting events and festivals as summer turns into autumn. Attend local fairs, cultural festivals, or art exhibits to share in the joy of discovery and exploration with your partner. These events often provide ample opportunities for laughter, learning, and bonding with each other.

Reflect and Set Goals Together

As one season transitions into another, it's an excellent time for reflection and goal-setting. Discuss the experiences you want to share in the upcoming months. Setting mutual goals, whether they’re personal or collective, can bring you closer together and create a sense of shared purpose.

Volunteer as a Team

Engaging in volunteer work as a couple can have a profound impact on your relationship while also making a positive difference in your community. Find local charitable organizations or community projects that align with your interests and values – and go volunteer together. The shared experience of helping others will not only deepen your connection but also foster a sense of fulfillment and joy.

Weekend Getaways

Trips together always offer chances for plenty of relationship-building moments. You might not have time for a big vacation like during the summer months, but consider planning a weekend getaway to a nearby destination. Whether it's a charming bed and breakfast, a cozy cabin in the woods at the leaves change, or a visit to a new city, a change of scenery can work wonders for rejuvenating your relationship. Explore new places together, create shared memories, and enjoy each other's company without the distractions of everyday life.

Practicing Mindfulness Together

As the year winds down, take some time to practice mindfulness together. Whether it's through meditation, yoga, or simply spending quiet moments together in nature, mindfulness can enhance your awareness of each other's emotions and needs. It promotes empathy and helps you be more present in your relationship.

These activities will not only up your relationship game but also create lasting memories that will carry you through the changing seasons ahead. The key is to be intentional in your efforts to connect, communicate, and cherish your partner, making every moment count, regardless of the time of year.

Want more ideas on how to connect as the seasons change? Get in touch today.

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Published in Help with Relationships

Grumpies, Grumbles, and Complaints: How to Give Your Partner Grace When They’re in a Bad Mood

June 1, 2023

Let's face it: bad moods happen and are not always easy to deal with. But things can get especially tricky when your partner is in a funk. 

Luckily, there are ways to handle their mood swings without letting them ruin your night (or your relationship!). If your partner is in a bad mood or going through a difficult emotional state, responding with kindness and compassion may be your best resort.

How exactly do you do that?

Stay Cool – Don't Take It Personally

When your partner is in a bad mood, it's crucial not to take it as a personal attack. Resist the urge to immediately assume you’re at fault for their negative mood. Instead, approach the situation constructively by acknowledging their mood and asking if they want to talk or prefer to be alone. 

Don’t become defensive if your partner indicates their mood results from something you did or said. Instead, aim to comprehend the entire situation and seek to understand their perspective.

Establish Healthy Boundaries and Maintain Your Sanity

One way to set boundaries is to communicate openly with your partner about how their behavior affects you. While being respectful of their feelings, let them know you cannot tolerate constant negativity and moodiness.

And be clear about what you need from them to maintain a healthy relationship. This might include asking them to take responsibility for their emotions and not blaming you for their bad mood.

Setting boundaries is not about punishing your partner, but rather about taking care of yourself and your emotional well-being. Doing so shows them that you value yourself and your relationship enough to make it healthy.

Continue to Open the Lines of Communication

Empathize with your partner during these emotionally tense periods. Do this by listening to them without judgment and acknowledging their feelings in a validating way. 

IMAGO's concept of mirroring can be especially helpful here, because it has you repeat back what your partner is saying and check to ensure you've understood them correctly. Practicing this communication technique can build a stronger connection and foster deeper intimacy in your relationship.

To better anticipate and mitigate your partner's bad moods, it's important to understand what triggers them. One way to do this is by engaging in intentional dialogue. Asking open-ended questions and actively listening to your partner's responses will help you understand what's going on with them. Armed with this knowledge, you can plan and take steps to avoid situations likely to trigger their bad moods in the future. 

Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster

Maneuvering your partner's bad moods can be challenging, but it doesn't have to ruin your relationship. Responding with kindness and empathy, and establishing healthy boundaries, can help maintain your sanity while protecting the well-being of your relationship. 

Remember to approach the situation constructively. Practicing intentional dialogue and understanding what triggers your partner's bad moods can help build a stronger connection, deepen intimacy, and create a more harmonious living environment. 

Still struggling with this issue? Reach out for more personalized help.

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Published in Help with Relationships

Breaking the Ice When You Feel “Alone Together” in Your Relationship

April 8, 2022

It can happen to even the strongest of couples. After being together awhile, it’s normal to sometimes feel “alone” or lonely in your relationship. And like the once-endless conversations are drying up. Or worse, tense and forced.

You love your partner and want to rekindle your connection and spark. But how do you break the ice and get yourselves out of the rut?  

The trick is to examine your current styles of communication, watch for potential roadblocks and red flags, and be open to new topics of conversation. Here’s a roadmap to reconnecting with your partner and strengthening your bond.

Rekindle Connection in Your Relationship 

It’s common to get stuck in a communication “loop,” where we recycle the same stories or conversations with our partners out of habit. Or perhaps the stressors of day-to-day life have been weighing on you. And you and your partner are starting to feel like ships in the night. Passing each other with just a few words here and there. 

The passionate chats you used to have seem long gone. So, what do you do?

Connection Through Communication

The truth is that connection is at the heart of a healthy and successful relationship. And one of the most effective ways to connect is through talking. Your conversations can be deep and meaningful – or playful and flirty! 

But if they aren’t happening at all, it’s time to evaluate your and your partner’s communication styles. Some things that can truly make a difference include:

  • Active listening to your partner. Hint: a lot of times we think we’re listening, but we’re really just waiting for our turn in the conversation! Try repeating your partner’s words in your mind as they speak to help you process them. Take time to think about what they’ve said… and then add onto their statements. It can make a big difference!
  • Find ways to show you’ve heard them. Acknowledging something they mentioned in a later conversation, leaving a sweet note for them, or doing them a favor.
  • Check-in throughout the day – with a quick text, email, or call to let them know you’re thinking of them.
  • Plan a unique activity together that you’ve never done before. It can get you both out of your comfort zone and talking!
  • Try using conversation starters to break the ice (more on this below!) They may feel awkward at first, but once you start using them you will feel more confident and comfortable over time. And more importantly, you’ll learn new things about your partner.

Communication is Key

It’s perfectly normal to have a disagreement with your partner every once in a while. In fact, it would probably be unusual if you never found yourself clashing with your partner. And awkward conversations can happen to anyone.

But it’s important to acknowledge if constant conflict is the root of your disconnect with your partner. Especially if you find yourself feeling increasingly angry with them. Then it’s time to examine your relationship closely. And to seek the trusted guidance of a therapist who specializes in couples counseling.

However, if you’re just feeling like your conversations with your partner are lackluster – or lacking completely – the trick is to open the channels of communication back up.

Common Communication Roadblocks 

Common pitfalls in relationship communication can include:

  • Passive-aggressive behavior in the form of little slights or digs at your partner. This type of communication avoids directly telling your partner how you’re feeling and can chip away at a relationship.
  • Shutting down or ignoring your partner’s attempts to connect and communicate. We know that our partners need our validation and support when they are having a hard time. But studies have shown that responding to our partner’s positive “bids” for connection is even more important for strengthening the relationship. And couples who do this stay together longer!
  • Not prioritizing time to connect. It’s easy to fall into a routine with your partner and put things like date nights on the back burner. But without emotional intimacy, you and your partner can start to feel distant or grow apart. 

‘Break the Ice’ with Conversation Starters

So, you’ve acknowledged any roadblocks you and your partner might be experiencing. Now you can set aside a chunk of time to reconnect. But what do you talk about? 

Conversation starters can feel forced or silly at first, and they require some bravery.  But they are also fun – and a great way to learn new and exciting things about your long-term partner! Also, they can be about anything – serious or silly topics, or even the relationship itself.

Consider the following starters or use them as inspiration and create your own:

  • What’s your favorite memory of the two of us? Why does it stand out to you, and how do you feel when you remember it?
  • What’s your proudest accomplishment?
  • You just won the lottery and bought us vacation tickets without telling me… Where are we going and why?
  • What are some ways you would like me to show you appreciation in our relationship?
  • Tell me something you are interested in (hobby, pursuit, topic) that is outside of your comfort zone. And how can I support you in trying it?

Talk to Your Counselor for More Tips

If you know reconnecting with your partner is your priority, it’s never too early to seek outside support to strengthen your bond. The Delaware Relationship Center is ready to help you at any point in your relationship, using unique therapy approaches and techniques. 

A rewarding relationship doesn’t always come easily. But, like all good things, it can thrive with work and support. Let us help you reach your goals today.

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Published in Help with Relationships

Why Trial Separations Do Not Work

November 1, 2019

Often, the idea of a separation comes out amidst an argument when people are at their wits’ end.

Or it may seem like a kind of release valve. A way to get some distance from the pressure and frustration attached to working through issues. 

The idea can seem like a relief. Is it really, though?

The Idea Behind a Trial Separation

Proponents of trial separation believe there are benefits to be had. They say: 

  • Separation provides time and space to realize your partner’s worth.
  • Time apart allows you to let go of petty issues you have with one another.
  • The break offers a fresh start and a healthier perspective on your life together.
  • You’ll be able to focus on yourself and sort out your personal issues.

That last one’s got it partly right. Healing and strengthening any relationship does begin with you. However, there are some big problems with the other supposed positives.

What’s Wrong with the Idea of Separation

When you are successfully working through personal issues, this is a positive experience. And if you achieve a breakthrough, your natural inclination will be to examine all of the elements that led to that achievement. 

So, think about what it means to reach a goal and feel better than before... without your partner. None of those positive feelings will be associated with them.

Moreover:

  • A trial separation severs communication… at least to some degree. 
  • Temporary independence may feel good, but your responsibilities don’t just go away.
  • Returning to a situation that hasn’t really changed may make it easier to let the relationship go.   
  • If you achieve a positive feeling while avoiding doing the work together, it may justify more future “breaks.”

The healthier, more long-term route for a committed couple is to directly confront and try to resolve conflict. It can be tougher. But it provides longer-lasting and more satisfying results. 

Wouldn’t It Be Better to Just Start Over?

You may be asking yourself whether scrapping this relationship might be a better option. After all, you can just start over fresh, and the next one will be different, right?

Not likely, according to researchers with the University of Alberta. The recent completion of one eight-year study proves what relationship therapists and couples counseling have seen for years: “Although some relationship dynamics may change, you are still the same person, so you likely recreate many of the same patterns with the next partner.”

What You Should Do Instead

Instead of starting all over with someone new, Imago therapy tells us that working together on improving relationship issues is a better answer. 

The trick is to set the stage for honest conversation and create realistic expectations for your partnership. One way partners can do that is in a couple’s therapy session. 

Or, you can start with a workshop. Over a single weekend, you’ll dive deep and learn some easily applicable tools to help you rediscover your potential together. 

Working through personal issues as a unit defines how you find your “couple’s answer” to the various conflicts you may be having instead of solving your problems alone (and apart).

Ultimately, building and sustaining a loving, emotionally nourishing marriage is more difficult than we imagine during the new romance phase. It takes work and practice and time. But you’ll find rekindling the flame is incredibly satisfying!

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Published in Help with Relationships

How Marriage Workshops Are Helpful at Any Stage

September 25, 2019

The term “marriage workshop” may conjure up images of couples on the brink of divorce making a last-ditch effort to save their broken relationship. The truth is, weekend workshops actually have the potential to help you at any stage. 

Each is typically designed for a particular set of challenges, improving healthy and struggling marriages alike. In fact, here at the Delaware Relationship Center, we even offer guidance for those who aren’t currently in a committed relationship! 

Do workshops really help?

I can safely say that in my 25 years of doing workshops, 75-80% of attendees benefited significantly from attending. 

Here are the four typical stages of a relationship, and what opportunities a marriage workshop might provide...

STAGE 1: Looking for Love and Finding Yourself

For individuals either looking for love or working to find themselves, workshops often include a combination of lecture and imagery exercises that can help you delve deeper within and learn new skills in connecting with others.

Individual workshops actually cater to a wide variety of people, including: 

  • Singles
  • Divorcees
  • Widows and widowers

We believe there is always something to be learned from our history that will help us move toward nourishing and enduring love in our future. 

STAGE 2: The Newly Betrothed

Brief lectures, exercises, lighthearted activities, and private time help you and your new fiancé deepen your thriving relationship’s foundation. 

Premarital education, like an Imago Therapy-based workshop, can bolster your future marriage’s chances for success!

Addressing things like nourishing your relationship daily and developing the skills you need for “important” conversations helps prepare you for the inevitable challenges every couple faces together. 

STAGE 3: Spicing Up the Long-Term Relationship

A huge part of us as individuals craves normalcy and routine, but there are parts of our lives - like our needs for intimacy and enjoyment - that require change and excitement. 

If everything is going great in your relationship otherwise, the Delaware Relationship Center hosts an intensive two-day workshop strictly focusing on passion and intimacy issues. 

It’s the kind of workshop designed to help you gain new insights into you and your partner’s intimacy styles, and what may be preventing you from feeling that intense “in-love” feeling that seems to have naturally waned over time.

STAGE 4: Breaking Down Barriers

No relationship is immune to its seasons. We are always individuals, and those who’ve committed to the long-haul understand this best. We choose to stay with our partners. 

Even when we know how to weather a storm, problems can form if we aren’t equipped to actually recover. When we see couples at this stage, they know they love each other; they just need help figuring out where to go from here.

A marriage workshop designed with this in mind can teach you how to utilize your relationship for personal change and growth, and to restore empathy and stability in it.

Marriage workshops give couples and individuals a break from the stresses faced in everyday life. Carving out time away from the demands of your children, careers, and so on provides the opportunity to focus on just the two of you again.

Take a look at our upcoming workshops to learn more about how the Delaware Relationship Center can help improve your relationship.

And if you need to, feel free to reach out! We are always here to answer your questions. 

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Published in Help with Relationships

Staying in Love Is a Choice

August 20, 2019

New love feels like a magic carpet ride. You don’t appear to be in control of where you’re going, but you’re thrilled by the adventure and the view. Everything is exciting - you get butterflies before each date and each new milestone is more thrilling than the last. 

But the magic carpet ride does not last forever. As you start to spend years - and then decades - with your partner, you find yourself on a different type of adventure. 

If new love is like a magic carpet ride, long-lasting love is like a road trip.

Changing the Way You Choose to Love Your Partner 

How exactly is a long-term relationship like a road trip?

Because you and your partner are both in control, and you have to work together and navigate where you are going. Stop paying attention to where you are and what turns you’re making will only get you lost.

Fortunately, getting lost is normal. You can recover and get back on track by making the choice to stay in love. That’s right - staying in love is a choice.

Sure, the first few years of your romance may not have felt like a choice - it just felt like a fun ride. But don’t think of this new phase of your partnership as something to dread or something to be ashamed of. 

Road trips still provide a beautiful opportunity to see new things and live through beautiful and exciting experiences. You just need to make more choices. You have to choose to continue on this journey together, even when you get lost. 

Feeling Lost on Your Road Trip? Talk to a Delaware Relationship Therapist 

Every adventure has moments where you get lost and moments where you want to turn back. Don’t let discouraging pit stops end a journey - there are still many exciting destinations to go to and beautiful sights to see. 

A Delaware relationship therapist can help you and your partner take hold of your road map and make conscious choices to help you fall back in love and continue on this journey together. 

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Published in Help with Relationships

Walt Ciecko, Ph. D., BCB
605 Wynyard Rd
Wilmington, DE 19803
302-429-0195