Delaware Relationship Center

See if this sounds familiar: you grew up imagining that you would find your one true soulmate. That the two of you would complete each other. That you would live happily ever after.

Even if those things aren’t one hundred percent true for you, chances are good that – at least in some ways – a part of you has an idealistic view of what a strong relationship should look like. It’s almost impossible not to because we’ve been so saturated with unrealistic depictions of romance in media and society in general.

For most people, reality does not work this way. This doesn’t mean that you will not experience amazing love, but rather that things are rarely as simple as they are in stories. The pressures of life accumulate, leaving even the strongest relationships feeling stagnant or strained. Responsibilities like bills, childcare, chores, and personal pursuits overshadow our connection, fostering feelings of emptiness and distance. Instead of journeying together, we find ourselves walking parallel paths – or worse, paths that are slowly diverging.

This narrative is all too common: the initial spark of romance fades as daily routines take precedence. But it does not have to. You can achieve your dream relationship.

How?

Working Together to Give Your Relationship a Purpose and a Meaning

Without purposeful direction, relationships can drift aimlessly, leading to disjointed attempts at conflict resolution. What once united us in shared dreams may now clash with individual desires, making it challenging to align separate visions into a coherent reality.

What’s the solution?

You need to deliberately craft a shared vision for your relationship with your partner. When you do this, you will be able to refocus on a brighter future, because this collaborative endeavor merges your individual aspirations, values, and needs into a unified vision. This can help both of you in working to make it your conscious reality. 

In other words, each of you came into your relationship with a unique idea of what that perfect relationship – that “dream relationship” would be. But you’re different people with different goals, so if you continue working toward those goals separately, those dreams are practically destined to come into conflict.

But when you work to create a shared vision of your relationship together, you have the opportunity to co-create a new ideal dynamic that works for both of you. It might not replicate your initial “dream,” but in many ways it has the potential to be even better.

Crafting a Shared Relationship Vision

The initial step entails defining individually what each of you desire from your relationship. Reflect on how you want to feel, the activities you want to share, and your vision for various aspects of partnership, from intimacy to finances to parenting. Express these statements in the present tense, as if they're already a part of your reality.

Afterward, set aside time with your partner to exchange these statements. Identify the ones that resonate with both of you and combine them to create a joint "Relationship Vision." Then pledge to recite these statements to each other daily for a month.

Obviously, these are only the initial steps. You are setting your joint intentions for what you want to work toward – you’ll still have to actually put the work in and do it.

But these preliminary actions establish the groundwork for cultivating a relationship that strives to be the one you both envision.

Relationships are like gardens – they require nurturing, patience, and growth. Just as gardens go through different stages of development, so do relationships. 

From the initial spark of attraction to the deep-rooted connection of mature love, each stage brings its own joys, challenges, and opportunities for growth. Being ready for these stages can make the journey smoother and more fulfilling. 

While all mature relationships are different, there are some common issues that most aging couples face. If you have children, your relationship will need to adapt to the changes that arise when they move away, and it is just the two of you again. Even couples without children, though, still have to deal with the impact of retirement, physical and mental complications that can arise with age, and the emotional toll of loss in a variety of ways – whether that means the things already mentioned, the loss of friends and family members, or the realization that your own journey is coming to an end.

Depending on how strong your connection is with your partner, these huge, life-changing circumstances can bring you closer than ever – or push you apart. In this post, we’re going to explore how to be prepared for the stages of a mature relationship so you can take comfort in the fact that you’re going through them together.

The 3 Stages of Every Relationship

We’ve written before about the fact that each relationship consists of three stages: 

1. Romantic Love
2. The Power Struggle, and 
3. Conscious Relationship… or Break Up.

You might think that couples entering into the mature phase of their lives automatically fall into the category of “Conscious Relationship.” After all, if you haven’t reached this yet, wouldn’t you have left each other?

But this isn’t necessarily true. Some older couples may be in newer relationships that place them in the Romantic Love stage. We’re not going to deal much with that in this post – sorry, lovebirds! Remember, this is about mature relationships, not just mature people in relationships.

Even if you discount those couples, though, there are plenty of longtime couples who have stayed together but never quite attained a Conscious Relationship. They are still enduring the Power Struggle stage, and that can mean a bunch of different things.

Some couples experience this like a roller coaster, with extreme relationship highs and lows that, over time, they’ve started to believe are simply part of the ride. But this doesn’t mean they haven’t been worn down by these ups and downs.

Then there are couples who have sort of come to an uneasy truce in their Power Struggle. They haven’t resolved it, but they’ve gotten tired of fighting and learned to co-exist. In many cases, even though these people still love each other, they’ve pulled away in big ways. They may find much of their pleasure and satisfaction in life outside the relationship.

Here’s the problem: navigating the Power Struggle stage is bearable when most other things in your life have a certain stability. This becomes much harder to do when everything is turned upside down. Like, say, when your kids move out. Or you stop working. Or your bodies and minds stop behaving the way they used to, and you really contemplate the end.

If your relationship isn’t strong when you’re going through these changes, there is a much higher chance that it will end in a break up. So, how can you avoid that?

Reopen the Lines of Communication

It’s never too late to build a strong foundation based on trust, communication, and mutual respect. Developing a Conscious Relationship involves being open to vulnerability, actively listening to your partner, and expressing your needs and desires honestly. Invest time and energy into nurturing the connection while allowing space for individual growth and exploration. Cultivate effective communication skills, practice active listening, and be willing to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals when needed.

Embrace Challenges as Opportunities for Growth

No relationship is without its challenges. Whether it's differences in communication styles, external stressors, or conflicts of interest, being ready for the inevitable bumps along the road requires resilience, empathy, and compromise. Learn to approach challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats to the relationship. 

Rediscover the Power of Intimacy

As a relationship matures, so does the depth of intimacy shared between partners. Intimacy goes beyond physical attraction. It encompasses emotional connection, vulnerability, and genuine understanding. Cultivate intimacy by engaging in shared experiences, meaningful conversations, and acts of kindness and appreciation. Create space for vulnerability and authentic expression, and prioritize quality time together to nurture the emotional bond.

Keep Putting in the Effort

Mature relationships require ongoing effort, commitment, and adaptability. As individuals evolve and circumstances change, so too must the relationship. Being ready for this stage involves embracing change with an open heart, fostering a growth mindset, and continuously investing in the partnership. Celebrate milestones together, support each other's dreams and aspirations, and never stop exploring new ways to deepen your connection.

Embrace Imperfection

Finally, being ready for the stages of mature relationships means embracing imperfection – both in yourself and your partner. Understand that no relationship is flawless, and there will be moments of struggle, doubt, and vulnerability. What matters most is how you navigate these moments together with empathy, compassion, and a willingness to learn and grow.

Being ready for the stages of mature relationships is an ongoing journey of self-discovery, growth, and mutual exploration. Remember, the most beautiful gardens are those tended with patience, care, and love. Want to get a professional, outside perspective on how you and your partner can attain a Conscious Relationship? Get in touch today!

The holiday season is often a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness, when families and friends come together to create lasting memories and strengthen their bonds. 

However, amidst the hustle and bustle of holiday preparations, it can be easy to overlook emotional intimacy, which is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Emotional intimacy is the experience of being known and understood within a safe bond with another person. And it is something that must be intentionally cultivated and protected.  Just because you go to bed and wake up next to someone on a daily basis does not mean that emotional intimacy automatically springs up between you two.

Busyness can work against emotional intimacy when you let understanding between you and your partner dim. You can see how the holidays might really set the stage for that. You’re both running alongside each other, trying to check off all the  event planning and gift buying tasks… And you forget to ask “How are you doing?” 

Being proactive about check-ins can help counteract this strange holiday loneliness. Here are some simple tips to help you maintain emotional intimacy with your partner during the hectic holiday season.

Prioritize Quality Time. With a never-ending to-do list during the holidays, it's crucial to prioritize quality time with your loved ones. Set aside moments for meaningful conversations, shared activities, or simply being present with each other. Whether it's a cozy night by the fireplace or a leisurely walk in the snow, these moments can help you connect on a deeper level.

Communicate Openly. Effective communication is the cornerstone of emotional intimacy. During the holidays, be sure to express your thoughts, feelings, and expectations openly with your loved ones. Listen actively to their concerns and needs, as well. You may need to pay special attention to family-related topics like “How do you feel about your relationships with specific in-laws?” Honest and transparent communication can help prevent misunderstandings and foster emotional closeness between you and your partner, easing the stress of holiday gatherings.

Manage Expectations. The holiday season can come with high expectations of how much fun you should be having or the intensity of positive emotion you should be experiencing – often leading to disappointment when reality falls short. The truth is that the holidays are a mixture of emotions for most people, ranging from restful and joyous to somber, grieving, and bittersweet. It’s a time to slow down and reflect on the year for most people, so that understandably comes with a broad spectrum of emotions beyond “merry” or “happy.”

To maintain emotional intimacy throughout the highs and lows, manage expectations by setting realistic goals for gatherings, gifts, and activities. Embrace imperfection, mishaps, and less-than-merry attitudes as part of the experience. For small hiccups – like the turkey took 2 hours longer to cook than you expected – try to laugh it off and focus on the heart of gathering: the warmth and connection you share with your loved ones.

Create Traditions. Traditions can be a beautiful way to strengthen emotional bonds. Consider establishing new holiday traditions or continuing existing ones that hold special meaning for your family or friends. These rituals can create a sense of belonging, anticipation, and continuity through the years, helping to bring folks closer together in a consistent way.

Self-Care. It’s easy to forget about your own needs during the holiday season. Self-care is essential for maintaining emotional intimacy, because when you're emotionally healthy, you can give more to your relationships. What does self-care look like for you? Prioritize those activities that recharge you, whether it's meditation, exercise, epsom salt baths, or simply taking a quiet moment alone in the midst of gatherings.

Delegate and Share Responsibilities. The stress of holiday preparations can strain relationships, diminishing emotional intimacy. To counteract this, share responsibilities and delegate tasks among family members or friends. This not only lightens the load but also fosters a sense of teamwork and cooperation. You’d be surprised at how much effort people will make to get along when they’re working toward a common goal. This is also a strong pitch for having activities at the ready for gatherings, like party or board games. Some conflict stems simply from a sense of understimulation or boredom. If you’ve been catching up about deeper topics for an hour, it’s okay to take a break and just do something fun.

Put Down the Phone. Or game. Or… In today's digital age, it's easy to get caught up in our devices and distractions. During the holidays, make an effort to be present in the moment. Put away your phone, engage in eye contact, and actively listen when someone is talking. Being fully present is a powerful way to nurture emotional intimacy.

Gratitude, Reflection, and Appreciation. As the holiday season comes to a close, take time to reflect on the memories you’ve created and the emotional connections you’ve strengthened. 

When you’re at gatherings, direct your attention and the attention of your loved ones to voice gratitude for each other and for moments throughout the year. This simple practice can create a positive atmosphere, deepen connections, and remind everyone of the importance of your relationships. Gratitude and reflection can leave a lasting impression and set a positive tone for the year ahead.

As you celebrate this season of togetherness, remember that it's the depth of your emotional bonds that truly makes the holidays special. Focus on the people around you and everyone will feel more connected.

And if you’re struggling to keep the closeness you need as the holiday season approaches, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support. A little help can go along way.