Delaware Relationship Center

During the New Year, many of us spend time thinking about our future: what can we change to improve our lives? But it is also valuable to take time and reflect on the past. What you learn can provide valuable lesson for moving forward.

Particularly, you should revisit past moments of love with your partner. Browse through your photo albums. Get out old scrapbooks and yearbooks. Go through your Facebook or Instagram history.

It’s fun – and it will help remind you both of your shared history as you laugh and cry together.

Then consider taking it one step further: relive some of the memories. Go back to visit the place where you had a first date. The park where your family did your first holiday photo shoot. Or even the venue for your wedding!

Talk about what made each moment so memorable.

Not just the big events, but the smaller moments, too. It can help you uncover other ways to make one another happy in the year to come.

What activities did you do together that helped you bond? What places did both of you enjoy visiting the most? What behaviors did you engage in that your partner valued?

As you have grown and changed together, you may have lost touch with some of the things that initially bonded you together. The good news is you can always bring them back!

Talk about the rough patches in the past.

They could be related to your relationship – or related to other challenges, such as the death of a loved one, job loss, or health issues.

How did you come out of them together? What did you do for one another during those troubling times? What words did you share that were most meaningful?

If you are going through a rough patch again right now, it can help remind you what worked in the past.

Imagine what your life would be like without your partner.

Imagining their absence may help you appreciate them more – and put your day-to-day challenges in perspective.

No matter where your relationship is today, remember that this shared history is something valuable. You don’t have it with anybody else. That makes it incredibly valuable and worth fighting for each day.

Make 2018 the year that you both commit to finding new and old ways to bring one another happiness, fun, and love.

Need help? Consider a couples workshop or Delaware couples counseling.

Halloween fun isn’t only for children. You and your partner can bond and improve your relationship by celebrating Halloween in these ten creative ways.

1. Bob for apples.

This is an easy, inexpensive way to laugh together, which releases feel-good hormones. Fill a large bowl or bucket with water and take turns dunking your head in to grab an apple with your teeth. The first person who successfully grabs an apple is the winner of a back rub!

2. Carve pumpkins.

Sharing a creative activity, like pumpkin carving, can boost the friendship factor in your relationship. Help one another prep the area and scoop out the seeds. You can toast them in the oven with a little salt and oil for a tasty, healthy snack to enjoy after you work. Once your pumpkins are carved, set them outside and snuggle together on the porch while you admire your handiwork. You can enjoy a cup of hot apple cider together while you bond.

3. Enjoy a nature hike.

Take in autumn’s beauty by hiking through the woods together. Once you reach a picturesque vista, spend a few moments enjoying the view together. Pack a light snack to enjoy, like a trail mix with fall-colored candies thrown in.

4. Go on a scavenger hunt.

Each of you can hide five inexpensive gifts either around the house or outdoors, depending on the weather. Celebrate the fun of surprises by making up clues for your partner, and reward them with their favorite candy or thoughtful trinkets.

5. Look at old photos.

Most of us have photo albums and scrapbooks that we rarely take time to look through. Bring them out of hiding and relive happy memories from past Halloweens while you wait for trick-or-treaters to come to your door. You’ll probably enjoy some laughs together over old hairstyles and costume choices, and you may even rekindle old feelings by reminiscing together.

6. Make sweet treats.

Light a fire in your fire pit and make s’mores. Make caramel apples and roll them in nuts, candies, or cookie bits. Pop some popcorn, then scatter on a cookie sheet and roast with nuts and caramel to make caramel corn. If you like pumpkin-flavored foods, make pumpkin muffins or pumpkin lattes. Whatever your fancy, you can have fun together by making a special Halloween treat to share.

7. Visit a Halloween attraction.

If it’s been a while since you did something silly and fun together, a haunted house might be a great way to make a new memory. Too scary for you? Go to a pumpkin patch or corn maze instead. No matter where you visit, hold hands as you walk around.

8. Tell ghost stories.

Check out a book of ghost stories from the library and read to each other. Better yet, sit by a campfire and make up your own stories while wrapped up in a blanket together.

9. Watch an old movie.

If it’s been a while since you enjoyed an Alfred Hitchcock film, a classic thriller, or a newer horror movie (if that’s your thing), cuddle together on the couch and squeeze each other tight during the scary scenes.

10. Wear a costume to bed…

What is your partner’s fantasy? There’s no shortage of “sexy” costumes on the market. Head down the Halloween costume aisle together and have fun picking one out for each other. Then, on Halloween, put on your costume when you’re along together in the evening and let the sparks fly!

If you need more help putting the fun back into your relationship, check with a Delaware relationship counselor. Help and hope is available for couples like you.

All of us make mistakes, and in romantic relationships, these mistakes often hurt or violate our partners. When we have wronged our partners, the most important thing to do is apologize sincerely as soon as we are able so that you can move forward together as a couple.

Relationship experts agree that apologies are one of the most important elements of a healthy relationship. However, an inauthentic apology can do more harm than good, so it is important to apologize sincerely and meaningfully to your partner.

Why an Inauthentic Apology Is Hurtful

Some of us struggle to apologize, usually because we are burdened with the sense of being flawed or deceptive, and feel overwhelmingly ashamed when we address our wrongdoings. This can lead to an inauthentic apology that can actually hurt your partner, making matters worse.

An inauthentic apology can cause your partner to feel as though you don’t really care, and are apologizing simply to preserve your image as the “good one.” This is counterproductive in building a conscious relationship wherein you feel truly connected to your partner.

So how do you make sure that your apology is sincere?

Delaware Therapist Shares the Elements of a Sincere Apology

To apologize sincerely to your partner, you must practice excellent communication and sincerely admit to your wrongdoing. You must also communicate possible ways to repair your wrongdoing, and actively listen to your partner’s feedback on this element.

Make it about more than just words.

A sincere apology is about more than just what you say - it’s about how you say it. Use your body language to truly connect with your partner. Look into your partner’s eyes, and perhaps hold his or her hand while you’re talking. Use a sincere, non-confrontational tone so that he or she understands that you really mean what you’re saying.

Let go of being right.

One word that rarely belongs in any sincere apology is “but.” To sincerely apologize, you must let go of being in the right in the situation. Attempting to preserve your image or being proud can lead to an inauthentic apology that is hurtful to your partner.

It’s actually most effective not to think about who’s right or wrong in the situation. Instead focus on how your actions made your partner feel, and accept responsibility for this.

Usually we feel inwardly ashamed of our actions, and therefore struggle to admit when we are wrong. Addressing this inner shame can be a long term endeavor, but an effective tactic to move past this is to focus not on how you feel, but on how your partner feels.

Offer to repair.

Your partner will be more able to accept your apology if you move forward by discussing how you can make up for your wrongdoing, or how you can avoid making the same mistake in the future. If you truly feel sorry for wronging your partner, this should include the desire not to do it again.

Ask for your partner’s feedback on how you can make up for your wrongdoing and avoid doing it in the future. Actively listen, and do your best not to get defensive, which is typically counterproductive.

Follow these tips, and you’ll be well on your way to repairing a mistake and moving forward. Still struggling? Call a Delaware therapist for help.