Delaware Marriage Therapist: How Couples Recover from an Emotional Affair

September 5, 2013

Contrary to what some may believe, my job as a Delaware marriage therapist isn’t just to help couples repair their relationship after one or both has committed adultery by sleeping with someone outside of their marriage. In fact, one problem I’ve been seeing more and more lately is a couple trying to recover after a partner has had an emotional affair.

Many partners don’t even immediately realize they are having this type of affair because they believe that it’s not cheating if they’re not having sex. However, cheating isn’t just about sex, it’s about betraying your partner’s trust. If you’ve been carrying on a flirtation over email or Facebook, or have been secretly meeting someone you’re attracted to for lunch, you may be doing just as much emotional damage to your partner as if you had committed adultery.

So how can partners restore trust and resolve relationship issues after an emotional affair?

The Key to Recovery is Open Communication, Says Delaware Marriage Therapist

Every couple will go through the recovery process after an emotional affair differently, but the most important thing to remember is that you must rebuild trust, and the best way to rebuild trust is to communicate openly. Both partners need to be honest with each other about how they’re feeling. Holding on to negative emotions and pretending everything is alright is only going to create more damaging relationship issues in the long run.

The partner who has cheated also needs to be honest and take responsibility for the affair, rather than making excuses for why they did what they did. Admitting to themselves and their partner that their behavior constituted infidelity is a major step towards recovery.

Not only do both partners need to talk to each other and be honest, they need to take turns really listening to one another. Listening shows that you care about your partner and want to do everything in your power to meet his or her needs, and actively listening is how we develop compassion for another person. Don’t interrupt your partner when they are talking – let them get everything they need to say off their chest before you take your turn.

Delaware Marriage Therapist: It Takes Time

Recovering from an emotional affair will take time for both partners, and sometimes it’s just too much to do on your own. If you and your partner are currently struggling to move on after an emotional affair, talk to a Delaware marriage therapist.

Continue reading...

Delaware Marriage Counselor: How to Develop a Conscious Partnership

August 23, 2013

As a Delaware marriage counselor, I’ve talked to clients who say that sometimes they feel incredibly close to their partner, but other times they just don’t understand where their partner is coming from. Relationship problems arise when we get into arguments and can’t empathize with the other person. Whenever the couples I counsel tell me this, I work with them on an Imago therapy practice called developing a conscious partnership.

If you’re not familiar with Imago therapy, you may not understand what a conscious partnership is. The founder of Imago therapy, Harville Hendrix, describes it as “a relationship that fosters maximum psychological and spiritual growth.” That means that each person is supporting their partner’s psychological well-being by working to understand their feelings and personal history.

What Does a Conscious Partnership Look Like? Delaware Marriage Counselor Explains

Couples who want a conscious partnership need to dialogue when they are having relationship problems rather than becoming combative or ignoring whatever’s been going wrong. This dialogue shouldn’t focus on what one partner perceives as the other’s faults, but should instead concentrate on how each partner feels. No one’s a mind-reader, so even if you think your partner should be able to intuit how you feel, they’ll never know exactly what’s going through your mind until you tell them.

Talking through relationship problems is important because most of the time, an argument isn’t just about what’s happening at the time – it’s also about past unresolved issues. By dialoguing with your partner, you can get to the real source of the problem faster and work together to resolve the issue.

Delaware Marriage Counselor: A Conscious Partnership Takes Time

Developing a conscious partnership takes practice, and that’s why you and your partner need to keep up an ongoing dialogue, even when you’re not in the middle of a heated conflict. By communicating honestly and openly, you’ll be better able to empathize with one another when relationship problems do arise, and you’ll be able to work together to overcome them rather than just fighting.

Of course, starting this kind of dialogue is not always easy; sometimes you just don’t know where to begin. If you’re feeling lost but want to work on developing a conscious partnership with your significant other, the two of you should try talking to a Delaware marriage counselor who has been trained in Imago therapy.

Continue reading...

Delaware Counselor Walt Ciecko Offers Insights on How to Sustain Better Relationships

February 9, 2012

Imago therapist Walt Ciecko is dedicated to helping you find, develop, and enjoy positive relationships. In his Delaware counselor blog, Walt introduces you to unique ideas and insights to help you grow more nurturing relationships, troubleshoot difficult ones, and explore the concepts of great thinkers like Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

Three types of visitors might particularly enjoy this material:

1. You're having trouble finding/sustaining meaningful relationships.

Maybe you’ve been looking for love, unsuccessfully, and you crave better answers regarding what’s holding you back. Or maybe you're simply having trouble meeting new friends here in Delaware. You want to know: is it you? Is it the people you're meeting? Or is it some combination? This blog will help you find relationships that really work.

2. You're struggling with one or more key relationships.

Maybe you and your spouse have grown distant since the kids were born. Or maybe you and a business partner/long-time friend cannot talk about a work problem without fighting. This blog will serve up useful ideas and strategies to get your communication back on track.

3. You’d like to get more out of an already fulfilling relationship.

Perhaps you want to revitalize your spark in the bedroom; or maybe you crave more meaningful conversations with a parent or close friend who’s been stricken with a disease. Again, this blog will open your mind to positive and resourceful ways of getting more out of your relationships.

Why Yet Another Delaware Counselor Blog?

There’s certainly no shortage of information and advice on the web about how to improve/sustain better relationships. However, Walt offers a uniquely valuable perspective. As a practicing and well respected therapist, Walt can help you filter this advice and avoid getting distracted by fluff or by irrelevant/inaccurate ideas.

If you're interested in connecting with a licensed Delaware counselor and psychologist, give Walt a call today at 302-429-0195 Ext 1.

Continue reading...

Walt Ciecko, Ph. D., BCB
605 Wynyard Rd
Wilmington, DE 19803