How to Cope with an Empty Nest Together

July 15, 2016

relationship therapist in DelawareThe kids are finally out of the house. And even though you may have dreamed of this day while they were in their teenage years, being an empty nester may not be what you thought. It’s a weird transition. The house is quiet. You aren’t seeing your kids every day. And for the first time in years, it’s just you and your spouse.

As a couple, you are in this together. Use each other for support as you enter this new phase in your life. If you do not know where to start, try these tips and suggestions so that you can make this transition with love and growth.

Communicate.

Any transition can be uncomfortable. But don’t let these new feelings distance you from your partner. You have more time than ever to communicate and understand each other’s feelings at this time. Use it.

Just because you have been with your partner for a long time, does not mean you can completely predict their feelings in each new phase of your life. And if you are feeling lonely, confused, or anxious about the future, tell them. Use your partner as support. Find ways that the two of you can make this time about your relationship and starting a new phase together.

Make the Empty Nest Your Nest.

We’ve all heard the cliché about parents turning their kids’ rooms into home gyms and office spaces after they’ve moved out. But it’s a cliché for a reason. The reality is, remodeling and redoing the spaces in your house gives you and your spouse a project to work on while you are sitting at home and missing your busy family life. Plus, you get to create something together that both of you can use and enjoy.

Your kids may be a little confused when they come home to visit. But they’ll be glad to know that their room is now dedicated to something that makes you happy. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to lose out on the sleeping space so they can stay over from time-to-time. Simply get something like a futon or air mattress that can be easily put away or has a secondary use that fits your new room.

Have More Date Nights.

With kids in the house, planning date nights is often a huge endeavor that may involve planning weeks ahead, getting sitters, and more. But now you’re not held back from each other any longer.

You don’t have to plan food around your children, so make mealtime with your partner special. Plan empty nest date nights. Rent a movie. Cook each other a special meal. Set up a “spa treatment” in your living room. Your nest is now a place solely dedicated to you, your partner, and your relationship. And, of course, you now have more freedom to actually leave your nest together for a bit of romance as well. Take advantage of it!

Get Out and Get Moving.

Finding a hobby, exercise routine, or class that will get you and your partner moving is a great way to learn something new, improve your health, or simply have a nice time out of the house.

Whether you and your spouse find a project, hobby, or a new focus on falling in love, encourage each other. These are your golden years; make them shine!

Need help? Talk to a relationship therapist in Delaware.

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5 Ways to Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary

June 15, 2016
Valentine Couple in love showing Heart with their fingers

Valentine Couple in love showing Heart with their fingers

Congratulations!

The big day is here. Your anniversary! Whether you have enjoyed a year, five years, or 50 years together, anniversaries are a wonderful reason to celebrate your love and your marriage.

Your anniversary might fall in the middle of the week while you and your spouse are working, or around the holidays. But even if there are other “important” things going on, your relationship deserves special attention and celebration.

Not sure how to make this year stand out from all the years before? We have a few suggestions for ways to celebrate that both of you will love.

Relive Your First Date. Go back to the place that started it all. Relive your first date with your spouse. It’s an amazing way to travel back in time and feel the rush and excitement from when your relationship first began. Get those butterflies going again!

Explore a New Vacation Destination. Anniversaries celebrate a new year of growing and building your relationship. Kick off this milestone with a vacation to a place you and your spouse have never been. Take a cruise to an exciting island. Or drive across the country. If you don’t want to go too far, find a bed and breakfast in a part of the state – or even city! – that you’ve never gotten around to visiting. Maybe you’ll “just” find a new coffee shop or jewelry store. But taking the trip together will help to bolster your connection, expand your horizons, and prepare you for everything that’s ahead in the coming year.

Have a Handmade Gift Exchange. Take this time to create something new for your spouse. Exchange gifts, but with a twist – they have to be handmade. Even if you are not crafty, you can find a way to put your personality and your love into a gift and create something entirely new for a new year with your spouse.

Enjoy the Day with Family. Together, you have created a beautiful home and a loving family. Celebrate your achievements with a family reunion. Your children and grandchildren will be happy to celebrate with you, and you can reflect on all the beautiful memories your marriage has created.

Recap The Past Year. Don’t have time for a big event? Stay in and take the day to reflect. Celebrate the highlights of your past year, the memories you’ve made, and the lessons you’ve learned. Did you find a new restaurant you both love? Find a new movie or TV show to watch over and over? Did any roadblocks, or milestones, teach you about your spouse and your relationship?

In general, this is also a great day to discuss how you and your partner grew over the past year. To keep this tradition going, make goals for your relationship to look at on your next anniversary.

As the years go on, you may feel like you don’t know how to bring new lessons and excitement to your marriage. For building blocks and relationship counseling, consider giving the Delaware Relationship Center a call.

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Delaware Relationship Therapy: Bond by Learning Something Together

May 15, 2016

We grow every day by shifting our perspective and learning new things. One of the most fulfilling benefits of being in a relationship is growing and changing with your partner.

There are many ways that you will go through this process automatically, but if you would like to be more active, taking a class with your partner is a wonderful way to form a unique bond, create fun memories, and even inspire future date nights with your partner.

What are some examples of classes that may be fun to experience together?

Take a foreign language class. A new language will give you an additional way to express your love for your partner, and it may just inspire the destination for a future romantic vacation. Look for classes in French, Spanish, Portuguese, or Italian; these four are considered the “romance languages.”

Learn American Sign Language. Have young children and no time for an exotic vacation? “Sign” up for sign language classes – your whole family can get involved! Babies as young as six months old can learn and communicate through sign language, so if you have a very young family member, seek out Baby Signing Classes that utilize ASL. Learning sign language together will help every member of your family communicate more effectively.

Enjoy cooking classes. Courses that teach you how to cook can be the perfect setting for a fun date night out – plus, they provide a good excuse for future date nights in! Get close to your partner in the kitchen and learn a new dish for parties, potlucks, or a romantic evening at home. Learning exotic dishes will also help you immerse yourself in a new culture and take a sort of mini-vacation – without having to go through a security check!

Let your inner Picasso out. Art classes provide many different ways to get creative and add a personal piece of art to your home. Find a medium that interests both of you: painting, sculpting, pottery, and so on. You can also consider “painting and wine” classes that couple learning with sharing a class of vino! Even if you’re not the next Picasso, you and your partner can use the opportunity to loosen up and laugh at each other’s creations.

Let’s get physical! Taking a class can engage way more than your brain. By learning a new sport or unique form of exercise with your partner, both of you can get your muscles moving and your endorphins pumping! Browse through classes at your local gym, community center, or YMCA. Martial arts, capoeira, massage, or yoga can give you and your partner a new perspective on activities and exercising around the world.

Cut a rug. Speaking of getting physical, one of the best “couples’ learning” experiences has to be taking a dance class. Impress all of your friends and family members at the next wedding or party with a fun ballroom, tango, or salsa routine. Dancing also allows you and your partner to get intimate while having fun and learning something new. It can even help to spice up your love life!

These are just a few possibilities. Browse through listings in your area to find something that appeals to you or your partner. Have an open mind, and be willing to take a leap and try something totally different.

Learning new things with your partner can stimulate your mind, growth, and relationship.

 

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Delaware Relationship Counselor: Laughter in Your Relationship

April 15, 2016

ciecko_laughter_aprilHumor is one of the top qualities someone looks for in a partner, and for good reason. While being “the funny one” in a relationship is a coveted title for many, simply being able to laugh with your partner on a regular basis can do wonders for your sense of closeness and connection. Couples who laugh together, last together. So with April being National Humor Month, I wanted to talk about the ways in which laughter is important for your relationship.

Laughter makes you feel good. We’ve all heard that laughter is the best medicine, but there’s more truth to that statement than you might think. Surprisingly, laughter has a ton of health benefits that you might not even be aware of.

Laughter helps relieve stress and lighten your burdens. It boosts your immune cells. When you laugh, you release endorphins, which are feel-good chemicals in your brain that promote a feeling of well-being and can even relieve pain. And on top of the physical benefits, laughter can help your mental health by easing your fears and anxieties and instantly improving your mood.

The lesson here is that the more you laugh in a relationship, the better you’ll feel overall. And the better you feel, the better your relationship.

Laughter binds people together. A University of North Carolina study looked at the effects of laughter in a relationship by recording couples’ conversations. The results showed that participants who laughed more with their partners reported feeling closer to and more supported by them. Laughing triggers positive, happy feelings and an emotional connection, which ultimately brings you closer together and strengthens your bond.

Laughter can help you resolve conflicts easier. Couples disagree. They argue. They get into fights. It’s only natural. But it’s how couples deal with these spats that says a lot about their relationship.

Laughter can help you defuse conflict and ease a tense situation with a well-timed joke. It can help you smooth over differences and approach a sensitive topic more openly. When laugh, you can let go of your defenses and take criticisms and judgments in stride.

Laughter also allows you to look at the silly, humorous side of a conflict and gain a better perspective on your situation. Through laughter, you might realize that – in the grand scheme of things – your hardship isn’t actually that bad.

A slight note of caution, though – there are times when trying to laugh or joke about something can make you seem insensitive. If humor in a particular situation seems to make your partner more upset, quickly cut it out and make sure they know you are taking them seriously.

That being said, in general laughter is a great thing!

So how can you create opportunities to laugh with your partner?

  • Watch a funny TV show or movie
  • Reminisce about shared funny memories and experiences
  • See a comedy show
  • Share a joke you heard
  • Play a game
  • Do a fun activity like bowling or mini golf
  • Act silly and goof around
  • Get a pet
  • Be spontaneous
  • Smile

Laughter is an important and necessary part of a great relationship, but it is often overlooked. So in honor of National Humor Month, I urge you to go home and do or say something to make your partner smile, chuckle, giggle, and laugh themselves silly.

If you and your partner need help bringing the laughter back into your own relationship, reach out to a Delaware Relationship Counselor today.

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Delaware Counselor: Myths that Interfere with True Relationship Building

March 15, 2016

delware relationship counselor relationship mythsBeing in a relationship can be wonderful. But it also requires work and effort from both partners in order to continue to grow closer and keep the relationship strong.

Unfortunately, when we enter into a relationship, we don’t always know or realize how much work it actually takes. That part is rarely shown in movies or TV shows. We tend to only see the romanticized parts, and we come into our own relationships with preconceived notions and even myths about what a couple is supposed to look like.

Unfortunately, these myths can interfere with true relationship building and leave you stuck with the idea of what a relationship should be instead of the reality of what a relationship is.

So let’s take a look at 3 common relationship myths and turn them on their head.

Myth #1: If you’re with the right person, everything will come easy.

That sounds great, but it isn’t true. Even with people you love unconditionally, there will be challenges in your relationship that you will have to work through. Some things won’t be easy. You will have to put forth the effort to deal with issues as they arise and communicate openly and honestly with your partner if you want to find a couple’s answer to your problems. There will be struggles, but that’s perfectly normal.

If, however, everything is a struggle with your partner, then there might be some fundamental issues with your relationship that you need to address. But even then, you can still have a successful, long term relationship as long as both of you are willing to put forth the effort.

Myth #2: All you need is love.

While this is great in theory, relationships are more complicated than this platitude suggests. Of course love is vital to a relationship. Without it, there isn’t really a relationship at all. But it’s not the only thing necessary to make a relationship work.

In fact, it’s all the other stuff – finances, lifestyle, beliefs, interests, and so on – that will usually make or break a relationship. What love can do is motivate you to work on your issues and forge a relationship based on communication, kindness, and mutual respect and understanding.

Myth #3: Couples in good relationships don’t fight.

You and your partner aren’t always going to get along swimmingly. You’re going to disagree and argue over things both little and big that come up throughout your relationship. It’s just what happens when people are together over time.

That being said, how you handle conflict can be very telling. If every time you and your partner disagree, it always ends up with yelling and stomping out of a room, then you’re not handling the conflict in a productive way. Productive conflict happens when you and your partner communicate, problem solve, make resolutions, and form a couple’s answer to your problems.

Good couples fight. They just do so in a way that’s productive to the relationship.

And just to be crystal clear, avoiding a fight doesn’t appease the situation. If you are constantly avoiding having an argument with your partner, you’re not dealing with the issue at hand. Over time, these issues will continue to be brought to the surface until you confront them.

When you’re in a relationship, you want to make sure that you are always building and growing that relationship to deepen and strengthen your connection. By doing this and forgetting about these relationship myths, you’ll be well on your way to having a happy, healthy, and long-lasting relationship.

Contact a Delaware relationship counselor if you and your partner need help combatting these myths and getting your relationship back on track.

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Delaware Relationship Counselor: Try Something New Valentine’s Day

February 12, 2016

For many couples, Valentine’s Day is an obligatory holiday. Whenever February 14th comes around, it’s a lot of the same. Flowers? Check. Chocolate? Check. Dinner reservations at a romantic restaurant? Check.

While this may be enjoyable for some, other couples are tired of the same old, predictable Valentine’s Day routine. In fact, recent research by Durex shows that 49% of surveyed couples have never looked forward to Valentine’s Day and 43% of couples want to cut the clichés and do something different.

With billions of dollars being spent on chocolate, candy, flowers, jewelry, cards, and anything with a heart on it, it’s easy to see that the true meaning of Valentine’s Day has been lost in a sea of commerciality. Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year. It’s supposed to be a day where couples show their love for one another in unique and thoughtful ways. So instead of falling back on the usual, why not try something new this year?

Here are 3 ideas for couples who want to do something different with their valentine on February 14th. Something that will revive your relationship and bring a little excitement, spontaneity, attraction, and – of course – romance back into the mix!

  1. Do something that you keep talking about doing but have yet to actually do. This happens all the time in long-term relationships. We have all of these great ideas for activities or trips, but never actually do them. For Valentine’s Day this year, pick one of the many things you want to do – then do it. Have you been talking about going camping? Find the nearest place to pitch a tent and grab a sleeping bag and the ingredients for s’mores. Do you keep saying the two of you should get a couples’ massage? Call a local spa and set up an appointment. The key here is to decide on an activity and follow through with a plan.
  1. Make your partner a gift instead of buying one. When it comes to Valentine’s Day gifts, people often go overboard when there’s no need. The holidays have just passed and your partner probably already has everything he or she needs. So why not decide, as a couple, to make each other a gift instead of spending money. Doing this encourages you to be creative and think outside the box. Draw a comic about your relationship. Cook something with the food you already have in the house. Make a romantic playlist. Write your partner a love letter. The possibilities are endless!
  1. Do something active. Use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to do something active with your partner. Not only will you feel great after, you’ll also have experienced a new adventure together that will bring you closer together. Sign up for a Valentine’s Day race. Go for a secluded hike. Take a dance class. Go ice skating. Fly a heart-shaped kite at a park. Do something that gets your heart racing and you’ll remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Valentine’s Day should give you and your partner the chance to try something new and express your love in a different way. We love our partner every day of the year, so why not do something special this year that you’ll be able to remember forever? And maybe you’ll create a new Valentine’s Day tradition in the process.

If you and your partner are stuck in a Valentine’s Day rut and need some help, contact a Delaware relationship counselor today to get your relationship back on track.

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Walt Ciecko, Ph. D., BCB
605 Wynyard Rd
Wilmington, DE 19803
302-429-0195