5 Tips for Getting Out of a Rut in Your Marriage  

your marriageIt is completely normal for couples to go through rough patches or uncomfortable periods in their marriage. After all, you probably spend more time with your spouse than anyone else. And life is not always perfect.

But it’s not fun to find your marriage in a rut. Moreover, if a rut continues for too long, it can eventually push you further apart and cause much bigger problems.

Don’t let that happen. Consider these tips to get your marriage back on the upswing.

Be honest. And do it as soon as possible. Often times, couples do not want to admit to themselves or each other that they are feeling insecure in their marriage.

It’s not an enjoyable conversation to have, but it’s necessary to address lingering conflicts or negative feelings.  Be upfront and gentle in sharing with your spouse. Have this conversation as soon as you can.

Listen. Your spouse may see your rut in a different light than you. When it is your spouse’s turn to talk about his or her feelings, really listen!!

This is the only way to know if you are on the same page, or if there is something you need to do to support your spouse during this time.

Determine if the problem lies elsewhere. Is your marriage in a rut, or are you in a rut? Sometimes, stress from outside your relationship (work, family, self-confidence) can have a huge affect on your relationship. This is dangerous, since it may cause you or your partner to blame your relationship for your problems, rather than the real culprit (outside stress).

Do a self-assessment if you’re feeling especially insecure or frustrated in your marriage. How are you handling other aspects of your life? Understanding the origins of your frustration is the best way to move forward and improve your mood.

Refresh. If you need some time to heal or work on personal issues, there is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself. Go on a hiking trip alone, or attend a retreat for that will allow you to reflect and rejuvenate.

When you come back to your spouse after some self-care, you will feel refreshed and ready to work on your relationship.

Consider relationship coaching. Often, we get so wrapped up in our problems with our spouse that we cannot see the greater issues. This is a great time for a relationship coach/therapist to come in and work you through the rut in your marriage.

An unbiased, trained third party will help you and your spouse see different perspectives and alternative suggestions for bringing the spark back to your marriage.

Walt Ciecko, Ph. D., BCB
605 Wynyard Rd
Wilmington, DE 19803