Resolve to Re-Spark Your Marriage

It's a new year, which means it's time for new beginnings. If your marriage is feeling a little lackluster, now is the perfect time to re-spark the flames of love. 

Here are four tips on how to do just that.

  1. Schedule time for each other. You likely have a lot of demands on your time. Work. Kids. Obligations to family and friends. And it's easy to let these other obligations take precedence over your relationship. 

But if you want to re-spark your marriage, you need to make quality time for each other a priority. Whether it's going on a date night once a week or just taking a few minutes every day to talk without distractions – carving out time for each other is essential.

How? Schedule it. Literally put it on your calendar like a regular meeting. This will make your “us-time” feel more “real.” Plus, it will prevent you from double-booking the time and serve as a nice reminder… which will hopefully help to build anticipation.

  1. Get out of your comfort zone. If you've been married for a while, it's likely you and your spouse have fallen into a bit of a routine. And while there's nothing wrong with routine per se, it can sometimes lead to boredom. 

To keep things fresh, try doing something outside of your comfort zone together. Whether it's trying a new hobby or exploring a new city, breaking out of your comfort zone will help you and your spouse rediscover the excitement and adventure of being together.

Again, for the busy people, there are ways to keep this simple. Try a new restaurant. Start watching a new show together. Read the same book and talk about it. These may not sound “exciting,” but every little bit helps until you have the time to plan something a bit more intense.

  1. Be more intentional about physical affection. Physical affection is an important part of any relationship, but it's often one of the first things to go when marriages start to lose their spark. 

If you want to rekindle the physical side of your marriage, be more intentional about showing affection. This can mean anything from holding hands while you watch TV to giving each other massages after a long day. Whatever it is, making an effort to be physically close will help reignite the passion in your relationship.

  1. Talk about your needs and wants with honesty and openness. Why is it that people – even those who have been together for years – have so much trouble talking to each other about their feelings? One of the main reasons marriages lose their spark is because couples stop communicating with each other about their needs and wants, brushing meaningful interactions under the rug. 

If you're not sure what your spouse is thinking or feeling, ask! And be prepared to share your own thoughts and feelings, as well. Having open and honest communication will help you both feel closer to each other and ensure that your needs are being met in the relationship.

Re-Spark Your Marriage – One Day at a Time

If this sounds overwhelming to start, don't despair—things don’t have to go from gray to technicolor in a week. Take your time, coupled with persistence, to turn things around! 

By making quality time for each other a priority, getting out of your comfort zone together, being more intentional about physical affection, and communicating honestly and openly with each other about your needs and wants, you can re-spark the flame of love in no time.

Walt Ciecko, Ph. D., BCB
605 Wynyard Rd
Wilmington, DE 19803