Delaware Marriage Counselor: Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome – Together

November 9, 2013

As a Delaware marriage counselor, I understand how tough it can be for couples after all their children grow up and leave home. For years, a large part of your identity was likely based on being a parent, and when your adult kids no longer need you on a daily basis, you’re left to reform your identity and revisit your relationship with your partner. This isn’t a bad thing, but some couples struggle to figure out their new relationship dynamic in the absence of their kids. Sound like you? See if this relationship advice helps.

How Couples Can Survive the Empty Nest: Tips from a Delaware Marriage Counselor

Stay curious about your partner. When your kids lived at home, you probably asked them how their day at school was or what they were planning on doing over the weekend. You should make an effort to be just as curious about your partner. You might think that you know everything there is to know about one another, but you may be surprised about the new things you can learn if you just keep asking questions.

Make time for dates. Setting aside time for dates may have been a challenge when you had young kids at home, but one of the benefits of having an empty nest is that you have more time to go out with your partner. Take this opportunity to reinvent your date night: go to new restaurants that you both want to try, take turns planning dates for one another, explore parts of your town or city that you haven’t spent much time in. Doing these types of activities together will help you get to know each other again.

Learn a new skill together. If you find yourself thinking about your kids a lot once they leave home, talk to your partner about learning a new skill together. You might try learning a language, taking up a sport, doing a craft project, or just about anything else the two of you can think of. Learning something together will give you more time to bond and also help keep you from missing your kids as much.

Help each other stay in touch with your kids. Remember that just because your kids are no longer living at home doesn’t mean you’ll never see or hear from them again. You and your partner can set up times when you can both call or Skype with your kids, or plan a trip to a child’s college campus for Parents’ Weekend.

Talk to a Delaware marriage counselor. If you and your partner are struggling with empty nest syndrome or wondering where your relationship is going after your children leave home, you should consider talking to a Delaware marriage counselor. Having an empty nest can be a tough transition, and you and your partner should feel like you have support as you transition to this new stage of your life.

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Delaware Marriage Therapist: Preparing Your Relationship for Your First Child

October 24, 2013

Seeing a Delaware marriage therapist might not be the first thing on your mind when you and your partner have your first child together, and that’s very understandable. Suddenly the new addition to your family is at the forefront of your thoughts, and you may feel like you don’t have any time or energy left to focus on your relationship.

However, even if you don’t want to see a marriage counselor, you should make an extra effort to focus on your relationship after your first child. Relationship issues can quickly escalate when partners are sleep deprived, trying to navigate parenthood, and attempting to figure out their new role in the family.

Delaware Marriage Therapist Offers Tips for Couples Expecting Their First Child

Figure out how to divide domestic duties. There’s no getting around it—there will be a lot more household duties once you welcome a baby into your family. Figuring out who’s going to do things like clean up the kitchen, change diapers, or get up with the baby in the middle of the night can be a huge source of contention, so head off this problem by sitting down with your partner ahead of time and discussing how you’ll divide tasks. It may work best for you to trade off tasks on a daily or weekly basis, so one person does not get stuck doing the same things all the time.

Discuss logistics. Sure, it’s not the most romantic activity, but you and your partner need to discuss the practical implications of having your first child rather than just playing it by ear. Discuss whether one parent is going to take some time off from work, how much time they will take off, and what that will mean for the family’s income. As a Delaware marriage therapist, I know that stressing out over money is a huge source of relationship issues, but having a plan in place can help ease anxieties.

Plan for date nights. Before you have your first child, you may take alone time with your partner for granted. However, once the new baby arrives, you may inadvertently neglect your significant other. This can lead to feelings of rejection, which can turn into bigger relationship issues, so you need to make an extra effort to spend time with your partner. Plan to get a babysitter every so often so that you can spend time together and remember what you love about one another.

Learn to be flexible. As much as I’ve advocated planning ahead, there’s only so much a Delaware marriage therapist—or anyone—can prepare you for. Having a child for the first time will be accompanied by plenty of surprises. You may find that the baby doesn’t want to nap on the schedule you’ve set up, or that there are new domestic duties that you never even anticipated. Be prepared to learn alongside your partner as you raise your child.

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Walt Ciecko, Ph. D., BCB
605 Wynyard Rd
Wilmington DE 19803
302-478-4285