Author Archives: Walt Ciecko

Delaware Relationship Therapist – Creating a Relationship Budget for the New Year

January 15, 2015

Delaware Relationship Therapist - Creating a Relationship Budget for the New YearIt’s never fun to argue with your partner, but quarrels over money can be especially upsetting. For many couples, money doesn’t only represent finances—it represents power, responsibility, and security.

One possible solution? Create a budget. And the start of a New Year is a great time to do it.

By working together and openly communicating about your finances, you can plan a budget that saves you money, while avoiding future arguments. Creating a budget can be quick and easy—here’s how:

Step One: Determine income. Draw up a list of all your sources of income, including work paychecks, investments, and rental revenue.

Step Two: Calculate expenses. Start by budgeting for the necessary expenses first, such as rent, car payments, and utilities.

Step Three: Set a limit for luxuries. After determining how much you need for necessities, you can figure out how much you can afford to spend on luxuries, such as going out, entertainment, and vacations. This is usually an area where couples struggle. What’s important to you may not be to your partner, so keep an open mind and really listen to one another during the process.

Step Four: Create a rainy-day fund. You should set aside money in a special account for emergencies. Feeling prepared can help both of you relax when unexpected expenses come up during the year.

Step Five: Plan for retirement. It’s a good idea to start contributing to a retirement fund as early as you can – and discussing what that retirement will look like. You may find you have very different ideas about how to spend your golden years.

Step Six: Commit to the plan. Setting a budget will only help to prevent financial disagreements if you both stick to it. If you’re not happy with something, talk it out now rather than planning to ignore the budget or hide expenses. And if you make a mistake during the year, be honest with your partner, and work to be understanding if your partner does the same.

Creating a Time Budget
Money isn’t the only thing you can budget. You can apply this same principle to budgeting time as a couple – which is often just as hard to come by as responsibilities and routines take over.

Just as you would when creating a money budget, start by making a list of the amount of time you spend on tasks you must do—such as work, sleep, and eating. Calculate the amount of time that remains for personal tasks, such as spending time with each other, watching TV, and working out. If you have weekly commitments, such as volunteering, classes, or hobbies, account for these, too.

Does your schedule allot some time to connect with each other every day – even if it’s just 15 minutes in the morning or before bed? What about regular family time and date nights?

Your budget should help ensure that you have enough time to do the things that matter most to you. If that’s not the case, think about what kind of activities you can cut down on or commitments you can drop to make room in your schedule. Maybe instead of watching Netflix for a couple hours every week, you can spend this time to going out to a new restaurant, taking a cooking class, or visiting a Delaware relationship therapist.

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Delaware Marriage Counselor: How to Develop a Conscious Partnership

August 23, 2013

As a Delaware marriage counselor, I’ve talked to clients who say that sometimes they feel incredibly close to their partner, but other times they just don’t understand where their partner is coming from. Relationship problems arise when we get into arguments and can’t empathize with the other person. Whenever the couples I counsel tell me this, I work with them on an Imago therapy practice called developing a conscious partnership.

If you’re not familiar with Imago therapy, you may not understand what a conscious partnership is. The founder of Imago therapy, Harville Hendrix, describes it as “a relationship that fosters maximum psychological and spiritual growth.” That means that each person is supporting their partner’s psychological well-being by working to understand their feelings and personal history.

What Does a Conscious Partnership Look Like? Delaware Marriage Counselor Explains

Couples who want a conscious partnership need to dialogue when they are having relationship problems rather than becoming combative or ignoring whatever’s been going wrong. This dialogue shouldn’t focus on what one partner perceives as the other’s faults, but should instead concentrate on how each partner feels. No one’s a mind-reader, so even if you think your partner should be able to intuit how you feel, they’ll never know exactly what’s going through your mind until you tell them.

Talking through relationship problems is important because most of the time, an argument isn’t just about what’s happening at the time – it’s also about past unresolved issues. By dialoguing with your partner, you can get to the real source of the problem faster and work together to resolve the issue.

Delaware Marriage Counselor: A Conscious Partnership Takes Time

Developing a conscious partnership takes practice, and that’s why you and your partner need to keep up an ongoing dialogue, even when you’re not in the middle of a heated conflict. By communicating honestly and openly, you’ll be better able to empathize with one another when relationship problems do arise, and you’ll be able to work together to overcome them rather than just fighting.

Of course, starting this kind of dialogue is not always easy; sometimes you just don’t know where to begin. If you’re feeling lost but want to work on developing a conscious partnership with your significant other, the two of you should try talking to a Delaware marriage counselor who has been trained in Imago therapy.

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Delaware Counselor Walt Ciecko Offers Insights on How to Sustain Better Relationships

February 9, 2012

Imago therapist Walt Ciecko is dedicated to helping you find, develop, and enjoy positive relationships. In his Delaware counselor blog, Walt introduces you to unique ideas and insights to help you grow more nurturing relationships, troubleshoot difficult ones, and explore the concepts of great thinkers like Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.

Three types of visitors might particularly enjoy this material:

1. You're having trouble finding/sustaining meaningful relationships.

Maybe you’ve been looking for love, unsuccessfully, and you crave better answers regarding what’s holding you back. Or maybe you're simply having trouble meeting new friends here in Delaware. You want to know: is it you? Is it the people you're meeting? Or is it some combination? This blog will help you find relationships that really work.

2. You're struggling with one or more key relationships.

Maybe you and your spouse have grown distant since the kids were born. Or maybe you and a business partner/long-time friend cannot talk about a work problem without fighting. This blog will serve up useful ideas and strategies to get your communication back on track.

3. You’d like to get more out of an already fulfilling relationship.

Perhaps you want to revitalize your spark in the bedroom; or maybe you crave more meaningful conversations with a parent or close friend who’s been stricken with a disease. Again, this blog will open your mind to positive and resourceful ways of getting more out of your relationships.

Why Yet Another Delaware Counselor Blog?

There’s certainly no shortage of information and advice on the web about how to improve/sustain better relationships. However, Walt offers a uniquely valuable perspective. As a practicing and well respected therapist, Walt can help you filter this advice and avoid getting distracted by fluff or by irrelevant/inaccurate ideas.

If you're interested in connecting with a licensed Delaware counselor and psychologist, give Walt a call today at 302-429-0195 Ext 1.

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Walt Ciecko, Ph. D., BCB
605 Wynyard Rd
Wilmington, DE 19803
302-429-0195