How to Maintain Your Marriage after Baby Comes

July 30, 2019

You and your partner have a lot of preparation to do before your baby arrives. But while you decorate the nursery and stock up on diapers, take a moment to think about how to maintain your relationship as well.

You might have heard friends or family members talk about how children affect marriage. This is more than just a few people complaining. 

Satisfaction rates drop twice as fast for couples with children vs. couples without children. Intimacy may decline as your baby demands more from you physically. 

Simply put, being a parent makes having a satisfying romantic relationship a lot harder.

Why do children appear to negatively affect marriage? 

There are a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest is the fact that many couples just aren’t prepared for these changes. They don’t plan for them. 

If you and your partner can anticipate obstacles and put a strategy in place, you can embrace the changes that come with a child and maintain your beautiful partnership.

What exactly should you do? 

Practice Mindfulness - Starting Now

Becoming a parent for the first time comes with a lot of new experiences. You will need to adapt to a new sleep schedule. Your priorities will change. You’ll have new roles and responsibilities. 

These changes may affect the way that you experience and see the world… and the way that you see your partner. Oh, and while you are going through these changes, your partner will also be having new experiences and feelings as well.

In order to get to know your partner as “mother” or “father,” you will need to communicate. Express your feelings and allow your partner to truly see you. 

This process begins with mindfulness. Tap into your feelings and where they might be coming from. Slow down and get in the habit of sitting in the present moment with yourself. 

When you get more in touch with your feelings, you will be able to understand how parenting is affecting you and communicate those changes with your partner. 

Of course, it’s important to realize that mindfulness and empathetic communication cannot be achieved with the snap of your fingers. It requires practice, an open mind, and a specific set of tools. Talk to a relationship therapist about how you can acquire these tools and put you and your spouse on a path toward open communication to embrace your new journey together.

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Walt Ciecko, Ph. D., BCB
605 Wynyard Rd
Wilmington, DE 19803