When you are in a romantic relationship with someone, it can sometimes feel like you share everything. This is especially true for couples who have been together for years or live together. “Yours” and “mine” falls away and merges together into “ours.”
This may seem like a good thing. And in many ways, it is. Sharing your lives and yourselves helps bind you together and forge a strong bond.
That being said, if you don’t set up any boundaries with your partner, things can turn sour. As strange as it may seem, one of the best ways to maintain your long-term happiness with each other is to set clear boundaries about the things that are important to you.
Think about it like this. You are responsible for your:
- Body
- Words
- Emotions
- Attitudes
- Values
- Preferences
In other words, your partner shouldn’t try to make you do or feel anything that is contrary to your nature. It is your right to disagree. Your right to say no.
Those are just some examples of boundaries that are universal – everyone also has their own unique, personal boundaries.
Why is it so important to have boundaries?
They stop the blame game. If you or your partner don’t know where each other’s boundary lines are, it is a given that you will end up crossing them. This may very well happen even with boundaries in place, but this is better situation to be in.
Why? Because when clear boundaries are set, the transgressor bears responsibility for violating those boundaries. But if they didn’t know they were crossing a boundary, who is to blame? Obviously, you don’t want to focus on blaming each other, but with no set boundaries, that is often what happens.
Boundaries make blame a non-issue by clarifying things.
They help you honor yourself. When people don’t set up clear boundaries related to the things they care about, it’s all too easy to give in to the desires of others and live your life for their needs. This can cause resentment, frustration, or even sneaking around and lying to meet your needs.
But if you don’t adequately communicate your boundaries and stick to them, it’s hard to honestly blame the other person for “taking advantage of you.” Know how far you’re willing to go, and if you have various “lines in the sand,” make sure your partner knows what they are and does not cross them.
They put you in control of yourself. When you set boundaries, it is a way of taking control. In terms of your own life, you are empowered.
People who create clear boundaries with their partners often feel more confident, satisfied, and happy – both in their life with their partner and in the parts of their life that do not involve them.
Bottom line? Think about where your boundaries are. Then be honest about them with your partner. And while you’re at it, encourage them to set boundaries, too. The most happy, successful relationships are the ones where both partners treat each other with love and respect.
If you are having trouble establishing, consider seeking the help of a relationship coach in Delaware.
